1. I have a lot to process this year about senior citizens and nursing homes and the like. Both my fil and grandmother have been in them this past year. One was a true nursing home ( fil) and the other was an assisted living apartment. It's not so much my family member being in one, because they had lots of loved ones who are looking out for them, visiting them, etc etc........but what haunts me are the many, many other residents who look so lonely and sad while there. Outcast, discarded....or maybe just didn't have anyone....
it's something I have grappled with before, but not when it hit home so personally.
2. Something about being away made me realize how heavy I am getting. Maybe I didn't have time to think about it as much ( although I do think about it a lot). I just seemed so *jiggly* and matronly whenever I'd catch a glance of myself in the mirror.
I know half the battle is REALLY caring about it. Maybe therein the problem lies. I truly dislike people who have lost weight and go on and on about how healthy they eat now, or watch them endlessly count calories. It could be the little green monster in me. Or the rebel. I think there is way too much emphasis these days in society on looking great all the time. Thin, young, hip, etc. Of course when you are not any of those things it is hard not to jump right in and join the crowd.
The real you, the person inside, is hardly cared about anymore. It's all in how you present.
3. and chucking those lofty thoughts .... I've decided I can't wear my hair up in a clip anymore. It just makes me look SO old. It pains me because it is so easy, but wearing it down helps now that I have lost my youthful bloom. :)
4. I realized again I just want to put people in my *things are either black or white* category box. That is how I view the world, I know. I think I have gotten a little better at not being that way ( and it is interesting to see some of my kids with this worldview :) as I have gotten older, but I still do it by and large. I know I have said it before, but people are a mix of good and bad. You rarely find someone who is all good or all bad. I think I need to tatoo that on my wrist.
5. I'm thinking about New Year's resolutions already and I've decided trying not to complain should be #1. Even if I don't do it audibly ( which I do) I do it with my gestures and demeanor A LOT!
Ugh. Yuck. Poo.
6. I like Michigan's fresh, cold air better than Florida's humid breezes.
7. I am scaring myself. I was looking at a blog I read a lot and the woman ( who is around my age) had just had a baby. Of course she posted lots of pictures of the little cherub. I realized I didn't feel any affinity for having another baby. Gulp. I've always either been pregnant or had a newborn by the time the youngest was two, and ESTATIC about it! I'm usually jonesin' for a new one before the youngest is a year. Gabriella will be two in a month and no signs of a sibling for her....and I'm ok with it! I guess that is a gift from God. There is nothing worse than wanting a baby and not being able to have one. Perhaps time for a new direction in life. :)
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